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How Teens Prepare for War How do you talk to a teenager about Iraq? How do you discuss a possible (imminent?) attack of Iraq with your teenage son or daughter? Because for him or her, this talk of war hits terrifyingly close to home – it will be young men and women, not much older, who will die. Every expert on Sunday morning news shows is telling us this war will be anything but antiseptic. America will probably experience sizable casualties. To us adults, that’s a sad, sad reality. To our teenagers, well, that could be their scary future. Every 17- and 18-year-old in America is certainly asking him or herself, Will I be called to serve? Will the draft be instituted? Will I be sent to Iraq? Should I enlist? These questions are inevitable. Parents must help their teenage children wrestle with them. This also applies to grandparents, teachers, coaches and any other adults who are fortunate enough to have a relationship with an American teen. Don’t wait for your teen to volunteer that they are anxious, maybe even scared by all this talk about Iraq. When the headlines of the newspaper sitting on the kitchen table scream about possible war, or the television news anchor leads with the story, take the opportunity. Talk to your son or daughter. (And please, don’t make the mistake of thinking this is just an issue for teenage boys. Women may not fight on the front lines, but female soldiers will be in danger. And young women will surely have male friends who will serve.) This possible war offers an opportunity to discuss monumental issues, including life and death. It’s a chance to discuss patriotism and what it means to the individual. And it can open up an important dialogue about the character that your own son or daughter has developed. Teaching moments abound today, and this one begs for every parent’s attention. The thought of death forces each of us to consider our lives – what we are, what we want to accomplish, how we want to be remembered. Your teenage son or daughter may be thinking a good bit about death right now, as war talk swirls. Listen. Validate those fears. Understand them. But also turn them around and make it a discussion about your child’s life. Tell your child you expect patriotism and a certain degree of gratitude that he or she lives in the United States. But also help him or her understand that the unique form of American freedom expects its citizens, even – perhaps especially – it’s most patriotic citizens, to question and challenge. Listen to the questions and contrariness your son or daughter may be experiencing right now as a teenager in the United States of America. You don’t have to have the answers. But you do have to be able to listen, with empathy and encouragement, to their questions. In the Civil War, one in sixteen Americans died. Everybody knew somebody who was killed. When and if we attack Iraq, this will feel a little similar. Not because that many Americans will die. But because of television. This war will come into our living rooms, our offices, even our schools, 24 hours a day…much as the memories of September 11, 2001 linger in our minds and in theirs. Death will come live to our TV sets. This potential reality of war forces all of us to think about what’s really most important in our lives. Relationships with family and friends; conducting one’s life in a way that generates respect and warm feelings; taking pride and ownership of work products (even if it’s schoolwork); gaining a better understanding and appreciation of our faith; and expressing thoughts and feelings openly. The good in life is what we seek, the bad is what we often see. When we conducted focus groups with teens, they told us that they are very much impacted by television news, usually negatively. Today’s teens are feeling the stress of war coverage. If we attack Iraq, their stress will greatly increase. We owe it to our teenage boys and girls to listen. Carefully.
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