IYD: Protective Connectedness

News & Views: OpEd

Shepherd Smith is founder and president of the Institute for Youth Development, a non-partisan, non-profit organization that promotes a consistent, comprehensive risk-avoidance message to youth for the leading harmful risk behaviors. His articles appear in newspapers across the country.

Read other OpEd's by Shepherd Smith

Building Protective Connections for Your Child
By Shepherd Smith

School shopping is done. Binders are organized (at least for now). Health forms are filed. Sports physicals complete. Academic goals are clear. Rules, curfews, and other limits are set. You’ve done everything possible to make sure your son or daughter succeeds this school year and, just as important, keeps out of trouble. Well, maybe.

There are five very unhealthy risk behaviors always waiting to ensnare your child: alcohol, drugs, sex, tobacco, and violence. And don’t think for a minute, “Not my child!” All the research shows that this is a great generation of young people – as measured by the growing proportion of kids making healthy choices, it’s one of the great crops of American youth. But even the best of kids can get into trouble. Indeed, 53% of teenagers will use some type of drug by the time they graduate from high school. And an incredible one third of students got into a physical fight at least once in 2001, many of them girls.

The good news is that there are evidence-based ways that parents can help their children avoid these unhealthy risk behaviors. Step number one is to ignore conventional wisdom, which has it that once children reach, say, the age of 13, parents don’t have much influence over their kids’ lives. Our own focus groups and other extensive research reveal that teenagers of all ages want more, not less, guidance from their parents.

“Connectedness” has been shown to protect young people from a wide range of risk factors – a sense of being connected to family and a sense of being connected to school. Young people who, for example, feel connected to their school are less likely to use alcohol and other drugs, to engage in violent or deviant behavior, to become pregnant, or to experience emotional problems. And youth who feel connected to their parents are, for example, less likely to engage in violence or sexual activity, or use drugs.

How do you measure connectedness? How do you tell if your child feels connected to his or her school and family? Students who feel the teachers and administrators care about them, that they are “part” of the school community and are treated fairly at school, have at least some people they feel close to at school, and feel safe at school are more likely to feel connected to school. Children who have parents who communicate high expectations, have conversations with their children (not lecture, but converse), state values and expectations, monitor their children’s activities, and set clear rules and limits are more likely to feel connected to their family.

So as this school year begins, make sure your son or daughter gets connected. Show genuine interest in his or her academic and extracurricular activities. Monitor your child’s homework. Ask every day, “Did you get any grades back today? Do you have any tests and quizzes coming up?”

Encouraging good grades actually reduces emotional distress, not increases it. Why? Because it sends the message you have confidence in your child’s ability, and you care deeply about their future. Put simply, it’s telling them you love them.

Be in contact with the teacher. Find time to volunteer (at least once) during the school year – school days may be hard because of work, but volunteering at the Spring Fair on a Saturday shouldn’t be. Know who your child’s friends are. And teach your son or daughter how to interact appropriately with adults (that is, teachers and administrators) by modeling cooperative and positive behavior in your own everyday interactions.

Each of these have the added benefit of building a strong connection between your son and daughter and your family. Something else you can do, something that seems minor but really is very important, is to have dinner together as a family at least five times a week. Dinnertime has been shown to be a very protective factor for young people. Teens who share five to seven dinner meals a week with their parents – regardless of family structure – are less likely to participate in substance abuse or early sexual activity. It’s not that the food is so great (though surely, your cooking is!) it’s that the conversation is. The dinner table is where we catch up on each other’s day; tell the funny, sad, inspiring, or stupid thing that happened at school or work; and have to listen to each other. It’s where our kids get a big part of their daily recommended dose of that extremely important emotional nourishment: connectedness.

Put getting your child connected on this year’s must-do school list, and your son or daughter will be pointing toward genuine long-term success.

Shepherd Smith is founder and president of the Institute for Youth Development, a non-partisan, non-profit organization that promotes a consistent, comprehensive risk-avoidance message to youth for the leading harmful risk-behaviors: alcohol, drugs, sex, tobacco and violence. For more information, write to IYD at P.O. Box 16560, Washington, D.C., 20041 or visit www.youthdevelopment.org.

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